The Hall of Valhalla

Etiquette my globalized ass...

This is one of the major responsibilities of the company I work for... it has to make sure that my ass is honed and perfected to suit global standards so that it looks appealing to some remote guy in some remote country (read American for a general case).

This has given birth to a whole self supporting screaming industry in itself - 'The etiquette training' people. These guys make money being dopes and churn out dopes from top companies day in and day out. Did it occur to any of you, how important it is that if you're the host in a dinner, that the guest should sit to your right? or that the glass of water or drink should be kept to your left? or that the tip of your tie should be the same colour of your trousers and it should be 'just crossing' the upper edge of your belt buckle? Well, dont start shaking your head just as yet... cause, if you think these gross details are useless, you just lost a bunch of clients.

I sat in the last row (No arguments... this is where great thinkers sit) and tested the ductility and tensile strength of the chewing gum in my mouth. As this required careful planning and immense concentration, my mind had gladly departed from the lady instructor's version of what kind of lunch the Americans liked. As I was testing the gum with the pendulam motion, she caught me and instructed the class that that is exactly the kind of behaviour that cost you dearly. Agreed. I'm not defending chewing gum research in an office environment. At the same time, why would some guy be offended by the shape of my beard, the colour of my socks, whether or not my suits matched with my underwear?

This, according to me, is the dizzy heights of 'dopeness'. Well, you shouldn't pick your nose in public and you cant sneeze into someone else's face. But these are the things parents teach when you are a kid. Is what these people call 'business etiquette' really necessary? Does it make you a better person? In whose eyes do you become a better person?

This puts you to such a low that I dont understand how people could actually mould oneself after such a training and feel good about it. When we get irritated with people who sport false accents, what about people with false behaviours that they learn in their twenties to please some alien guy?

I wanted to write a funny piece about this but I ended up cribbing I guess. People, what say?

(This whine is a result of inspiration from Vijay, a staunch anti-etiqutte-training campaigner and approver of chewing gum research)




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posted by Vasanth Rao @ 10:38 pm 1 comments

You, Me and Mark Knopfler

It finally happened...

Its been a bit too long time coming. But now I can sit back, relax and say... "I saw Mark Knopfler perform live". Though I'm no stranger to concerts, the real bands/guys have eluded me so far. Deep Purple decided to show up when I was in third year in college. Needless to say, money was not something I was usually associated with... Roger Waters did the same thing.

Rolling Stones tops all of God's schemes against me. The next day was my Semester exams. I was mad enough to think that I could even scoot a paper for the Stones... I mean I'd never ever be able to see them live (both the meanings)... But nobody wanted to go with me... Even now, I kick myself whenever I think about the Stones or meet people who were there on the rainy summer night which I deem as the greatest day in Indian music history.

Come 2004, and my... I was anchored safely in Bangalore with a fair collection of Gandhis in my wallet and you know what? They get Bryan Adams and Enrique (I cant spell his last name). I was left cursing destiny again but 2005 showed signs of improvement. Sting started the year but I didn't go because I already heard from reliable sources that Mark Knopfler is on his way followed by Eagles and Steve Vai (hopefully).

07/March/2005 - the day of the reckoning - we make our way to the palace grounds and my first taste of a giant concert. The parking lot, the giant equipments et al shocked me as we made our way to the stage gaping at the rich collection of beauties Bangalore manages to come up with in times of need. As they say, the stage was set and they were playing some very good blues songs to warm us up. It was 7:30PM and people were saying that they'd generally never start on schedule but suddenly, there is a deafening roar and sweet music flowed with the trademark guitar licks and the gruff Scottish drawl... I was home.

I understood why people would shell out a grand for just a two and a half hour show and why I should have gone in 2500. The lighting was very different and it matched the song sequence. Everything they did was highly professional and the man connected with each and every single soul inside. I felt he improvised every single song with different guitar licks and he went a bit more heavier than he usually is... But we all just loved it... The people where great; belting out the lyrics so loud and in so much harmony that the man himself was surprised. The temperory cloud of pot that hung in the air did help too...

For those of you who think this is a waste of money or whatever reason you have to convince yourselves for not making it, I shake my head at your misfortune. Think about what it takes for a foreign guy to go to a strange place in any part of the world, and pull a crowd of more than 20000 even with a highly priced ticket price... I'll just say that its an ultimate experience to be with such a huge crowd of young people rocking along with you for such great tunes.

By far, this is my greatest achievement in life... And i think its difficult to surpass it... unless I see the Stones somewhere...

posted by Vasanth Rao @ 7:09 pm 4 comments