The Hall of Valhalla

Pope John Paul II shock: he's still alive

(found somewhere... interesting)

In an astonishing turn of events, the Vatican has revealed that Pope John Paul II has not died overnight. Speaking outside Rome's Gemelli hospital, papal spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls told reporters: "Today there is no reason to be alarmed." But this announcement did little to quell the growing sense of unease at the wheezing pontiff's continued failure to stop living.
"We don't actually know exactly what is wrong with him," commented Michael Bridger, a specialist at Derriford Hospital in Plymouth, England. Perhaps what went wrong - what kept that gnarled little heart beating - is the clawing fear that without his guidance the Church might actually slip into the 21st Century.

'Laryngospasm' is what the Vatican doctors called it. This acute respiratory infection, brought on by a bout of flu, would normally be enough to kill someone as debilitated with age and Parkinson's disease as the Pope is. But something kept the man alive. Was it the power of faith? An all-cleansing, all-healing holiness? Or an unquenchable desire to supress the rights of women worldwide, and contribute evermore to the suffering and deaths of tens of millions through the spread of HIV/AIDS?

Fifteen years ago, when he was a spry young Pope in his late sixties, he began speaking out against condoms: "It is morally illicit to champion a prevention of the AIDS sickness based on recourse to means and remedies that violate the authentically human sense of sexuality." And he hasn't looked back. With his blessed assistance, millions have contracted the disease and perished, and millions more good Catholics are lining up to die.
Unlike Pope John Paul II. The man is god-damned immortal.

posted by Vasanth Rao @ 5:23 am